Dodge This 9.3.10

The second-half of my Friday.

There was a work BBQ planned to take place after work at 6:00 PM in the lot behind the office building. After work I pretty much went home, changed, and went straight back, it was kind of a weird feeling.

A lot of people had already gathered there, with a good portion of them huddled around one of the many grills picking meat off of them as soon as it was ready. I eventually jumped in and started grabbing some food as well, but I had to retreat because the wind always shifted so the smoke from the grill went into my face.

I retreated a few steps back only to be greeted by one of the section chiefs who promptly pressured me into drinking some alcohol. You don’t say no to your superiors right?

I tried a bit of shochu again, but it was still a bit too strong for me. With some food and alcohol in me I started wandering around looking for people to mingle with. I spotted Annie sitting down at one of the tables and went over to say hi.

Me: Hi Annie.
Annie: Hi John.
Of course
Annie: So how are things going in your section?
Me: It’s going well. I’m getting used to the work and everyone is really nice.
Annie: Yeah, that’s good. Everyone’s nice and Noodles is big. And smelly.
Me: …do you have something against Noodles?
Annie: Not at all! But he does smell a bit right?

I deflected the question (I’m not really a fan of smelling my co-workers), and managed to move the conversation in a different direction.

Me: I used to be pretty big too, but I lost weight playing sports in school. Did you play any sports in school?
Annie: I played a few, but my favorite was dodgeball.
Me: Dodgeball? Man I haven’t played that in a longtime.
Annie: Yeah, it was so much fun. I wasn’t that good at dodging, but I was really good at hitting people.
Me: …is that why you liked dodgeball so much?
Annie: (menacing grin) Yeah, I’m a sadist.

At this point I decided to make a tactical retreat to the drink table. However, after getting a drink a unit of Section Chiefs ambushed me and dragged me to their table.

Section Chief #1: So you’re from Canada right?
Me: America actually.
Section Chief #2: Oh? Where in America?
Me: Washington State.
Section Chief #1: Oh! Where the president lives!
Me: Ah no, that’s Washington D.C., I’m from Seattle, Washington; it’s on the west coast.
I use semicolons in conversation because I’m hardcore.
Section Chief #3: Oh! Ichiro!
Me: Yeah, that’s where Ichiro is.
Section Chief #3: So is Washington below California?
That’s Mexico…

After a bit more back and forth I finally managed to approximate the location of Washington State by using the ocean, California, and *shudder* Canada. I’m still not sure they know where it is -_-;
As the conversation continued I started hunching over so I could hear what they were talking about.

Not A Section Chief But I’m Not Really Sure What Position He Holds And He Was Hanging Out With The Section Chiefs And Happened To Be Fairly Close To Them In Age So For The Sake Of Convenience He Shall Here Forth Be Referred To As A Section Chief: You’re standing in nekoze!
Me: nekoze?
Section Chief: Yeah, he points to my hunched posture nekoze (cat posture). You should stand up straight.
Me: Yeah…but unless I do this I can’t hear the conversation.
Section Chief: What?
Me: (I move a bit closer) I can’t hear the conversation.
Section Chief: What?
Me: (I move even closer) I can’t hear the conversation.
Section Chief: Huh? Come closer.
Me: (I lean in even further) I said I can’t he…
Section Chief: (Grabbing my ear and putting his mouth right next to it) CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

I should have just stayed with Annie the Dodgeball Sadist.

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5 Responses to Dodge This 9.3.10

  1. agnes says:

    that was funny! we are all sadist…..in a way!

  2. dyshin says:

    “Jane, dear, come closer.”

    “Yes, Grandma?”

    “Closer.”

    “Yes, Grandma?”

    “Closer.”

    “Yes, Grandma?”

    “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

    • Cchan says:

      Yeah I thought of that too!

      I wanted to mimic the style a bit more, but I thought it would have changed the context too much. But now that I think about it I could have just replaced Grandma with Section Chief and then just alienated everyone with the final line.

  3. dyshin says:

    Also, yes. Saying ‘Ichiro’ is by far the quickest way to relay where you are from.

    • Cchan says:

      Yeah, I’m not sure how much it actually helps though. I mean, people know of the place Seattle, but they don’t know anything about it other than “That’s where Ichiro is!”. And if I start talking about other things in Seattle I can see their faces just kind of glaze over.

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