In Japan all new employees begin working at the start of April. BEMAC is no exception. Today was met by some excitement by the males in the company as there’s a rumor going around that there will be a lot of new female employees. For the psychological reasons behind this, please refer to this earlier post.
Anyways, today also made me realized that, in relation to the new hires, I’m in a senior position. Which makes me feel kind of…weird. It also kind of makes me want to terrorize the new employees; plus, it’s April Fool’s right? I’ve already run through a few possible scenarios in my head.
1) “Are you making fun of my Japanese?”
This scenario relies on the fact that I look Japanese. Basically, whilst talking I’ll either intentionally or unintentionally flub some words or say things in an unnatural way. After being confronted about it or asked where I’m from, I’ll immediately get defensive and start attacking them about making fun of my Japanese. Of course, during the rant I’ll speak as poorly as possible.
Me: Oh are you one of the new people coming into to work at our company? Err…new amployee?
Target: Yes, I just started today in the engineering section…
Me: Huh? Engine section?
Me: Oh, like making sales and stuff right?
Target: No…where are you from?
Me: What?! Why? You think my Japanese is bad?
Me: No talk at me! I make super day diffcult-like stuff long month by yesterday!
I might also throw in some random English for good measure 😀
2) “The Foreigner”
I’ve been told that Japanese people’s minds tend to freeze when they’re forced to speak English unexpectedly. And as a bonus, I can finally use my racial bonus to English surprise attacks.
This one is a power play. In Japan, seniority plays a pretty large role in interactions. In a work environment, you pretty much can’t talk back to you seniors or go against their orders. So using this, I’ll basically give out increasingly odd or unreasonable commands until I reach a breaking point or get them to do something truly outrageous, truly, truly, truly outrageous.
Meet target for the first time, speak only in Japanese. Meet target a second time, speak only in English.
And as I go on I realize these pranks are becoming less inventive and interesting. I’m just going to quit while I’m ahead…or at a happy medium.