International Relations 9.21.11

Arsenal: I don’t know if I can go out tonight, I have class in the morning.
Ongbak: So does Colgan and he’s still going out.
Me: Yeah, it’ll be fine; I’ve been up until 4AM and still gone to class.
Arsenal: How do you do that?
Me: I don’t sleep.
Mama: Like a vampire?
Me: Vampires sleep during the day.
Mama: You can’t be a vampire anyways because…nevermind.
Me: We’re you just about to insult me?
Mama: No.
Me: Then what were you going to say?
Mama: You can’t be a vampire because vampires are really handsome.
Me: …

Our little group was planning on heading out to the clubs on a Wednesday night to introduce Arsenal’s friend, Dack, to nightlife in China. After grabbing dinner at a restaurant we headed over to a local bar for ladies night. AV and Zwein also came along so we planned to exploit them for free drinks throughout the night.

After dancing around in the club for about 2 hours, a short, middle-aged man bought some drinks for our group and started dancing. After about 30 minutes of dancing around and drinking with us he sat down on a stool and promptly fell over. Luckily I was nearby so I stopped him from face planting into the ground. After I helped him regain his balance he tried to sit down again, but failed. Realizing it would be best to get him outside, I tried getting some of the staff at the bar to help me take him out of the club, but was just met with blank stares. Eventually I found Dack and he helped me carry the drunken mystery man out of the club. Once we were out of the club we waved down a taxi for the guy.

Note: sentences in () are said in Chinese.

Mystery Man: Taxi, taxi!
Dack: Yeah, we’ll get you a taxi.
Me: [dropping mystery man into backseat of taxi]
Driver: (How many of you?)
Me: (Just him.)
Driver: (Where is he going?)
Me: Do you have the address of your hotel?
Mystery Man: [blank stare]
Me: Where is your hotel?
Mystery Man: I remember…(I’ll tell him where to turn).
Driver: [Looks at me and shakes his head]
Me: Yeah…[I pull mystery man out of the taxi]

Dack: What’s Up?
Me: This guy has no idea where he’s going.
Dack: [Pulls out his ID] Do you have one of these?
Mystery Man: …
Dack: Wallet, do you have a wallet?
Mystery Man: Yes, wallet.
Dack: …then take it out man!
Mystery Man: …
Dack: Your ID!

After a bit more back and forth the Mystery Man eventually took out his wallet. Dack and I searched for any helpful information. While we were rifling through his wallet we had gathered quite the crowd of onlookers.

Onlooker #1: (Is this your friend?)
Me: (No, don’t know him.)
Onlooker #2: (Where is he going?)
Me: (I don’t know.)
Onlooker #1: [to Mystery Man] (Where are you going?)
Mystery Man: …
Me: Found a hotel card!
Dack: Is it close by?
Me: Let me ask. (Is this close?)
Onlooker #1: [laughing] No.
Me: They said no, probably not the right hotel.
Dack: How does this guy not have an ID on him?!
Me: Found another hotel card…but it’s written in Mongolian.

After searching his wallet we only managed to find an ATM card for a Chinese bank, the aforementioned hotel cards, and the packaging for a SIM card. I asked the man if he had a cell phone, but he shook his head. A quick pat-down of his person reinforced this. However, there seemed to be another object in his back pocket.

Dack: Hey, take out the stuff in you back pocket.
Mystery Man: …
Me: Empty your pockets!
Mystery Man: …
Me: I think we might just have to pull it out ourselves.
Dack: Yeah…

While the Mystery Man stared off into space I quickly pulled out the other object in his back pocket; it was a Mongolian passport. I looked through it to see if i could find any useful information. All I found were stamps marking several entries into China, and the stub for an airplane ticket. I looked over his personal information hoping to find something helpful.

Me: Wait a second…
Dack: What?
Me: This passport is expired.
Dack: Did it just expire?
Me: It expired in 2009…

While the passport did clear up some mysteries, it didn’t get us any closer to finding the mystery man’s hotel. We return the man’s wallet and passport and took him back to the club and made him sit down on a chair outside while we tried to sort things out. Eventually Dack and I decided it would be best to hand the man over to the police and let them sort it out. We decided to get one of the workers at the club to contact the police for us.

Dack: Hey, can you call the police for us?
Worker: [blank stare]
Dack: Police?
Worker: [blank stare]
Dack: What’s the number for the police?
Me: 110
[Dack types the number into his phone and shows it to the worker]

At the sight of the number ‘110’ the worker freaks out, tells us to wait, and runs inside the club. After 5 minutes he returns with a bouncer-looking guy.The bouncer guy says something to Dack who just shakes his head to show he doesn’t understand. The guy then comes over to me.

Bouncer: (You speak Chinese?)
Me: (Very little.)
Bouncer: @#*(SidfUS&!DH#&6237hyd8&^SDKLH!
Me: (I don’t understand.)

The bouncer looks a bit helpless and calls for someone on his radio. A few minutes later a lady walks over.

Lady: What’s the problem?
Me: This guy got really drunk in your club and we want to send him home, but we don’t have an address.
Dack: We wanted you to call the police and have them sort it out.
Lady: But the police don’t do anything, just put him in a room.
Dack: Yeah, but at least he’ll be safe. We have to go soon, we can’t look after him all night.
Mystery Man: Taxi! Taxi!
Me: You don’t know where you’re going!
Dack: And you don’t have any money!
Mystery Man: Money! I have money!

At this the man produces a couple of bills from his pocket. He only had about 15 yuan on him, but mixed with the bills was a key card for a hotel.

Dack: Fucking hell, we should have just done a proper body search.

We waved down a taxi, gave the driver the address on the card, handed over 20 yuan for the cab fare and said goodbye to our Mongolian friend.

Ongbak: Where did you guys go?
Me: We were helping the Mongolian guy get home.
Ongbak: That drunk guy?
Me: Yeah.
Ongbak: Why would you do that?
Dack: Because we have morals. [looks at me] If America ever goes to war, Australia has got your back.

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6 Responses to International Relations 9.21.11

  1. watanal says:

    sounds like someone’s tapping into their inner Ke$ha!!!!!!

  2. agnes says:

    so proud of you and Colgan you are HANDSOME!

  3. David says:

    Colgan, you did a good deed. Do you still have Khan Orgil’s phone number ? He is the Mogolian person we have had Peking Duck with. You may call him next time when that situation comes up agian.

  4. David says:

    Remember the picture Uncle Henry took for you for e-harmony. Wear your contact lenses.

  5. agnes says:

    @david: what is this e-harmony picture and wear your contact lenses? You turning expert?

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