Kentucky Fried Christmas (Eve) 12.24.11

Mama: Someone should stay with him.
Arsenal: I’ll be fine, you guys go on ahead.
Me: Are you sure?
Arsenal: Yeah, I don’t want to mess up your guys’ Christmas, just go on ahead.
Rubix: Alright…but call us if you need anything alright?
Arsenal: Yeah, thanks.


Mama: I’m going to go the pharmacy and see if they have anything for Arsenal’s stomach.
Ambassador: What? They’re not doctors, they can’t prescribe medicine for him.
Mama: They can give him some medicine.
Me: He said he didn’t want any medicine from the pharmacist, it’s fine.
Ambassador: Also, what are you going to tell them?
Mama: That his stomach hurts…
Ambassador: That’s not a lot to go off of.
Mama: They can give him something.
Ambassador: Arsenal can’t even explain where it hurts, how are you going to?
Me: Come on, let’s just go to Rubix’s party.
Mama: But still…

This exchange went on for awhile, eventually Ambassador and I went to Rubix’s Christmas party and Mama went to the pharmacist, promising to go to the party right after. At the party Ambassador and I indulge ourselves on porridge and ridiculously large Reese’s Pieces.

Me: Where did Mama go? It’s been over an hour.
Ambassador: I dunno…
Rubix: I just got a phone call, she’s at the hospital with Arsenal.
Me: What? At the hospital? Why didn’t they call us earlier?
Rubix: Anyways, we need to go over there…but I can’t just leave my party after inviting everyone.
Me: It’s alright, me and Ambassador will go.
Rubix: Thanks man, call me if anything comes up.

Ambassador and I jump into a cab and head for the nearby hospital. We arrive and find Arsenal and Mama sitting on some chairs near the receptionist. Mama is relieved to see us as it seems that Arsenal’s condition has deteriorated quite rapidly in the time we’ve been gone.

Ambassador: So what’s going on now?
Mama: They want a urine sample.
Ambassador: So they haven’t done anything yet?
Arsenal: They gave me a shot in the ass.

We sat in the waiting room for the next couple of minutes as Arsenal chugged down bottles of water in hopes of producing a urine sample. Unfortunately his stomach wasn’t cooperating with him and he vomited up all the water he just drank. Seeing that a urine sample wasn’t happening anytime soon we moved on to the next part of the examination. Eventually they assign a bed to Arsenal and put him on a saline drip. Ambassador, Mama, and I sat around making sure Arsenal is comfortable. After things settle down I pull a Chinese conversation book out of my bag and start reading it.

Mama: Why are you studying!?
Me: Huh? There’s nothing else to do right now…
Mama: What’s wrong with you? Why do you study so much?
Me: …because I want to learn Chinese?
Arsenal: He has good study habits, let him study.
Mama: Sigh…you study too much.

A couple more minutes pass, Arsenal’s condition seems to have stabilized. Ambassador and I haven’t had a proper dinner yet so we decide to head out to the nearby KFC for our Chirstmas Eve dinner.

Ambassador: Ha ha, KFC for Chirstmas dinner.
Me: Christmas EVE dinner, real Christmas is tomorrow. Plus, in Japan they have a tradition of eating fried chicken for Christmas, so it’s OK?
Ambassador: Do they have rice there?
Me: In Japan? Yeah…
Ambassador: No, at the KFCs.
Me: Huh? Uh…I don’t think so. They have rice dishes at the ones in China though.
Ambassador: Yeah, but do they serve just plain rice?
Me: I dunno, but why do you want rice? It’s KFC.
Ambassador: At the ones in Indonesia they all serve rice, and if I don’t eat rice with a meal I don’t feel full.
Me: Man, you really like rice.

In the end we got a bucket of chicken with some sides of rice procured from a nearby noodle shop. It was an odd, but enjoyable, Christmas Eve dinner. Later we get a message from Mama asking us to buy some water so we finish up our meal and head back to the hospital.

Arsenal: Why do you want my urine so badly!?
Mama: They need it for the tests! Here [Mama hands me a small plastic cup and a test tube].
Me: …what do you want me to do with this?
Mama: Help him.
Me: …
Arsenal: …

No, I didn’t help him pee.

After another hour or so at the hospital Arsenal’s condition has vastly improved, the pain in his stomach has subsided and he’s eager to get out of the hospital. Our little group spends the last hour chatting as we wait for Arsenal’s saline drip to finish. After the nurse comes in and removes the drip we start packing up our stuff and prepare to leave.

Mama: Here.
Me: …how complex do you think obtaining a urine sample is?
Arsenal: Alright, alright. I’ll give you your damn urine sample!

Again, no.

—After Story: Belly Full of Fire—

Arsenal: I’m going to make some shrimp chips, you guys want any?
Ambasasdor and Me: No thanks.
Arsenal: Crazy day right? I spend the entire night in the hospital with stomach pains and throwing up, and now I’m eating. Sorry for making you guys spend your Christmas at a hospital.
Me: It’s fine, real Christmas is tomorrow.

…time passes…

Arsenal: Hey guys?
Me: Yeah?
Arsenal: There might be a small fire in the kitchen.

Ambassador and I run to the kitchen, there is a not so small fire in the frying pan.

Arsenal: What should I do? Pour water on it right?
Me: Wait, what’s in i…
[Arsenal pours a pan full of water onto the flames]
The small flame turned into a gout that rises towards the ceiling. After a second the flame disappears completely.

Arsenal: Well that was pretty dangerous.
Me: For future reference, don’t pour water onto an oil fire.
Arsenal: Noted. Also, don’t tell Mama about me almost burning down the apartment.

This entry was posted in Blahg, China. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Kentucky Fried Christmas (Eve) 12.24.11

  1. agnes says:

    was there a urine sample at the end? very unusual one cannot pee after a bag of saline.
    what was the problem? food poisoning?
    hosp in china are know to start IV no matter what, make sure the needles are new and clean so not to attract any infection like HIV.

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