Nostalgia: pleasure and sadness that is caused by remembering something from the past and wishing that you could experience it again.
You know how some people are always saying that humans are an evil existence that just serve to destroy everything around us? Well, I agree. Why? Because of emotions, if we were perfectly logical we might actually do some good (or at least less bad) since we would be able to weigh the pros and cons of any particular decision and hopefully find a favorable solution. However things like pride, jealousy, love, hate, boredom, sadness, and all other types of emotions stop us from doing that. People will defend stupid ideas to the death just because they don’t want to admit they might have made a mistake. Now some of you might be saying, “Now wait Colgan, love isn’t a destructive emotion!” And I would have to disagree with you. I would go into more detail, but if you just dig around a little I’m sure you can find millions of anecdotes of people doing crazy stupid things in the name of love. Anyways, there is one emotion I want to talk about in this post, and as you can probably guess from the title, that emotion is nostalgia.
Nostalgia is fucking evil.
You know why? Because nostalgia makes a well-meaning 25-year-old at the gym trying to get healthier look at an ergometer and think “Hey, I remember those! It’s been so long since I’ve used one, I should do a 2k!”. Now for those of you scratching our head and wondering what on earth an ergometer is, go thank your parents for loving you and keeping you away from instruments of torture described as innocuous exercise machines. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
Done? Alright, now if you’re still curious this is what an ergometer looks like. No, not really. I’m not going to link you pictures of an ergometer for your own good. Because you might in some flight of absolute bat-crazy fanciness decide to give one a spin. Trust me, you’re better off not knowing what one is or how to properly use one.
Anyways, all giddy off of my nostalgia high I sit down on the erg and strap my feet in. Headphones on blasting out very unhardcore workout music, I do a couple strokes to get myself back in rhythm. As I’m rowing my coach’s advice resonates in my head, I make corrections to my posture and make sure I’m not slamming myself in the chest. After a minute or two I’m starting to feel comfortable so I set the erg to 2000 meters and start my set.
2000 meters – I do my best to mimic a regatta start, 1/2, 1/2, 3/4, full(?)
1800 meters – Nostalgia in full force. Muscles are burning a bit, breathing is getting a bit faster, but I’m feeling good.
1600 meters – Almost a 1/4 done! Man I remember this being so much harder.
1500 meters – Headphones fall out, slow down and put them back in.
1300 meters – Nostalgia starting to wear off, pain starting to set in.
1100 meters – Headphones fall out, I take off my iphone and throw it on the ground. Breathing hard, so much pain, no time for stupid music, must go faster.
1000 meters – …
800 meters – Why can machines like this exist in a civilized world!?
600 meters – WHY ARE THE NUMBERS MOVING SO SLOW
400 meters – I CAN’T FEEL MY ARMS
300 meters – I feel like the gym is getting dizzier.
200 Meters – Larms failing.
100 Meters – POWER 10
50 Meters – OH GOD THE PAIN
0 Meters – I am a broken shell of man.